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Catches, entertainment and news from Thailand’s only exclusive syndicated sport-fishing venue.
Welcome once again to the Jurassic Mountain newsletter that gives you all the news, gossip, catch reports and light hearted anglers antics that relates to this Thailand fishing paradise for the month of November. A big thanks to all the new faces and returning guests who succumbed to the gravitational pull of our ‘extreme fishing gem’ as it was indeed our pleasure to welcome you all to Jurassic Mountain Resort and Fishing Park.
A word of caution before you embark on reading this newsletter…. it’s fairly long, so make sure you’ve got a spare half hour or so to enjoy it or simply read it at your leisure up until the next months edition is published.
Before we go to the fishing reports, I feel that I need to get on my soapbox in light of the recent world events. I just can’t get my head around what motivates people to carry out these awful atrocities. Sadly some once thriving tourist destinations have simply become no go zones. They may not have been everyone’s cup of tea in the first place – but that’s just my opinion. Myself, having experienced SE Asia namely Thailand, Cambodia and Vietnam, can say for sure that is it ticks the box in every department, especially in Thailand which has the accolade of being called the land of smiles. A smile that I can honestly report as genuine in the extreme and that’s not only to your face…. but also behind your back.
Well that’s that out of the way and now for something new this month for the readers who enjoy statistics. I thought it might be a good idea to implement a system that provides us with the total amount of fish captured here at Jurassic Mountain on a monthly basis. For the first few days my system was working rather well, that is until I lost count so I’m afraid this months total is only estimated …. bloody hundreds of ’em.
Right, let’s now take a light hearted look at the anglers who graced Jurassic Mountain for the month of November. As per normal my apologies are extended to those who wanted a mention but didn’t get one and to those who got a mention ….. and wished they hadn’t. Here goes ….
First up anglers report is on Clive with son Chris who reside in that Green and Pleasant Land’s beautiful Victorian seaside resort nestled on the south coast called Hastings. Well, that’s what I would have wrote if the place was still the same as I remember it when I was a kid but unfortunately it isn’t. So let me rephrase……….. The first up anglers report is on Clive and son Chris who reside in the UK’s migrant infested south coast sanctuary for Somalians and Syrians commonly known as Hastings and they couldn’t wait to see the back of the modern day ‘Battle’ that’s taking place there to enjoy a few battles of a different kind fishing here at Jurassic Mountain.
Clive was delighted to capture an arapaima of some 185 pounds whilst son Chris was just as pleased to land Siamese carp up to around the 55 pound mark. We’re glad to be of service to provide happy memories for you both to take back to Hastings.
Next up report is for UK expat Phil who said a fond farewell to the UK and now resides quite happily and contented alongside yours truly in Thailand. Phil is a regular visitor to the Mountain and is a very competent photographer who carried out all the camera work on Jurassic’s promotional DVD titled ‘Jurassic, the Lake that Time Forgot’ which can be found on Jurassic Mountain’s homepage of their website. I can assure you that it makes great viewing and all anglers who visit Jurassic Mountain receive a complimentary copy.
Photographer Phil got himself into focus by landing arapaima to 200 pounds which soon developed into snapping into a few Siamese carp up to the 75 mark. No negatives on this report then.
The Swiss rolled into Jurassic in the form of Stefan from Berne who arrived on a recommendation from Aussie Tony who owns a fabulous little place in Cha-am called ‘The Dream Boutique Hotel.’ Just thought I’d reciprocate by giving your hotel a little plug there Tony but I’ve heard nothing but good things about the place anyway.
Swiss guy Stefan caught numerous Siamese carp in his stint here with the largest being an absolute whopping 100 pounder. Congratulations indeed Stefan. As for the Swiss? I’ve struggled to come up with anything interesting to comment about them apart from the fact that they’ve got dodgy banks, they wear braces holding up ridiculous leather shorts and that they know how to yodel.
Hello to Robbie from Norfolk whose resided in those quaint little riverside villages on the Norfolk broads of Wroxham and Horning. Robbie’s job in the UK is a security guard working for Sainsburys , hmm, I thought he recognised me from somewhere. Moving on swiftly, Robbie enjoyed great sport here at the Mountain landing 15 quality fish and a vow to return once again next year.
Robbie’s occupation reminded me of the last time I shopped in Sainsburys when I got stopped on the way out.
‘Can you open the jacket for me please sir’ the security guard politely asked.
‘Sure” I replied unbuttoning it all the way down, ‘ There you go,’
‘Thanks,’ he said, ‘But I meant yours.’
Robbie’s brother Paul is a postman from that delightful little hamlet in Essex known as Southend-on-Sea. If you’ve never had the pleasure of visiting this jewel on the Essex riviera, put it on your bucket list because the feeling of euphoria you get on leaving the place is too good to miss. Paul also enjoyed great sport here by banking 14 specimen fish with a 70 pound Siamese being the pick of his catch.
It reminds me about the postman on his rounds who opened the gate only to see a young boy on the lawn standing with a huge Doberman.
‘Does your dog bite ?’ the postman asked nervously,
‘Nope’ said the boy and as the postmen walked up towards the front door, the dog launched himself at him and took a great big chunk out of his leg.
‘Thought you said your dog didn’t bite ?’ screamed the postman in agony,
‘It don’t,’ said the boy, ‘ That aint my dog.’
A big welcome was extended once again to Tap, our regular Thai fishing guide who brings a non stop procession of anglers here to Jurassic and who on this occasion, obviously due to the hypnotic lure that extends from the Mountain, brought along Gary and his daughter all the way from Canada. Bet they were glad to sample a bit of the Thailand warm weather seeing as Canada’s climate consists of only two seasons…… winter and almost winter. Way too cold for yours truly and evidently way too cold for the couple whose business decreed that they moved up to Canada from Miami. They purchased a house off of two old sisters but the wife expressed concerns about the drastic change of climate to which the husbands reply was ‘ Don’t worry about it Thelma, If those two old girls can get through the winter in this house then sure as hell we can too.’
Halfway through December with the ice an inch thick on the insides of the house and with icicles a metre long hanging from the roof, the shivering husband phoned the old dears to ask how on earth did they managed to get themselves through the arctic weather year after year ?
‘Piece of cake’ the old girl replied ‘We sod off to Miami for the winter.’
Tap underlined his accolade of being a first class guide by handing the rod to Gary on numerous occasions with a specimen fish hanging off the end of it that contributed to providing Gary and his daughter with a total of 17 quality fish landed in the balmy Thai weather and the heartwarming memories that they took back to the colder climes of Canada. Congratulations Tap, yet another pair of satisfied customers that you can add to your ever increasing Jurassic Mountain portfolio.
The gravitational pull of Jurassic Mountain saw the arrival yet again of Melton Mowbray Brett and his two pals Eric and Chris from Loughborough. Since their last visit here they’d been off around Thailand having a dabble on what other fisheries had to offer but their reappearance through our ever open welcoming doors simply told it’s own story. I suppose you could make a comparison like knowing that you’ve got one of those delicious Melton Mowbray pies sitting in your fridge ……. sooner or later you’ve just got to have it….. ‘cos you know it’s the best.
However a noticeable drop in degrees as a colder weather front moved in also saw a significant drop in action around the lake which resulted in the ‘few and far between’ scenario but even so, these lads showed their dedication coupled with a large dose of perseverance which underlined the old adage of when the going gets tough, the tough get going as they managed to land arapaima, redtail and Siamese carp between them. Well done lads.
John an expat now residing in Bangkok arrived with holidaymaker pal Andy. John is now retired but still pursues his hobby of martial arts quite actively. The karate kid temporarily put aside his karate skills and along with pal Andy, enjoyed a nice relaxing day at the Mountain, that is until an angry Siamese carp around the 180 mark showed up to create havoc. So instead of Kung fu, I imagine a nice cup of Thai fu went down a treat after that bit of sport.
An extremely big welcome was given To Daniel whose a Los Angeles firefighter and who’s backpacking around Thailand. I have nothing but the utmost respect for these guys who put their lives on the line every time duty calls so it was particularly pleasing to witness Daniel get home and hosed with two cracking Siamese carp with one of them being the magical 100 plus pounder. Well done indeed Daniel and a very well done indeed for doing the job that you do over there.
A Danish merchant seaman named Per arrived for a few days holiday here at the Mountain and by all accounts his lifetimes personal best fish had only been a 3.7 kilo sea trout. Well, it didn’t take long to smash that record because a 175 pound arapaima made Per a very jolly sailor indeed.
Reminds me about the newlywed merchant seaman who’d just been given a nine month contract and after a few weeks he is desperately missing his new wife, so he writes her a letter.
‘My darling,’ he writes ‘ we are going to be apart for many months and I’m missing you badly. I’m constantly surrounded by beautiful young native women when we’re in port and the temptation is terrible. I need some kind of hobby to keep my mind off them.’
So the wife sends him back a guitar with a note saying, ‘ How’s this for your new hobby, maybe you can learn to play the guitar ?’
He was delighted and he wrote back,’ Darling, I will learn it for you and from now on I’m only surrounded by 3 people, Myself, my guitar and my thoughts of you.’
Eventually his tour of duty ends and he rushes home to his wife saying, ‘ Darling, I can’t wait to get you into bed so that we can make passionate love and …..’ but she stops him with a wave of her hand…..
‘First things first Romeo,’ she said, ‘ Lets see how well you play that guitar.’
From another part of Scandanavia namely Finland came two father and young son teams, Jari, Vellu, Emeli and Eelis for a days outing at the Mountain and what a day it turned out for these guys. There’s nothing quite like a bit of father and son bonding when there’s a couple of fishing rods involved. I can remember as a kid when fishing with my dad and that feeling of elation when landing my first fish which just happened to be a small perch on the Thames at Kingston. So can you imagine just how these two kids felt when they hauled in a massive arapaima around the 180 pound mark ? The sheer joy on their faces was an absolute picture but that’s enough about the dad’s because the kids seemed pretty delighted too as you’ll see in their photo below. Well done Finland.
Yorkshire was represented by three lads, Aidee, Josh and Matt. They managed to catch numerous fish between them with the pick being a fine arapaima banked by Aidee. Josh spent most of the time on his back sleeping off a few beers whilst Matt was petrified of holding the fish for the photos although we did manage to get one of him tentatively holding a baby redtail. E by gum, I thought they bred ’em tough up in Yorkshire.
Reminds me of the Yorkshireman whose wife died so he ordered a gravestone with the words…
Accept dearest Margaret Lord, she were thine
Two weeks later he visits her grave and was horrified to see that the stone read…
Accept dearest Margaret Lord, she were thin
‘ You’ve missed bloody e off ,’ he complained to the stonemason who was most apologetic and assured him that the e would be inscribed onto the stone immediately.
The next day he visited the grave and there it was …..
Accept dearest Margaret Lord, e, she were thin
We said hello to Barry from Ipswich in the UK who is a retired policeman but evidently got bored with not being able to nick somebody every now and then so he does a bit of advanced driving instruction instead specialising in skid control techniques on the skid pan.
Barry wandered into Jurassic for a couple of days fishing and he managed to land a nice few fish including a fine pacu that took the pellet on the drop and a cracking arapaima around 180 pounds that fought like hell resulting in Barry producing a few skid marks of his own.
It was great to see you here Barry and along with everybody here at Jurassic Mountain, I wish you all the luck in the world with your own personal battle that you’re currently facing. Get yourself back here soon mate.
From Chelmsford in Essex arrived newlyweds Matt and Clare who decided that Thailand was definitely the place for their honeymoon and they visited Chiang Mai in the north to Phi-Phi island in the south with a days fishing thrown in here at the Mountain which is situated half way between the two. We certainly get lots of newlyweds and soon to be weds here at Jurassic with the majority of them on a day visit who subsequently regret their decision of not spending more time here once they actually see the place.
Talking of newlyweds, I often wonder if they sometimes wish they’d stayed as boyfriend and girlfriend once the number 45 kicks in after a few years of marriage. The number 45 ?
What’s the difference between a girlfriend and a wife?… About 45 pounds.
What’s the difference between a boyfriend and a husband … About 45 minutes.
The happy couple set themselves up in the swim known as the point and after a slow start with only a redtail to show for their mornings efforts, all of a sudden their bite alarms burst into life and a belated wedding present was duly delivered in the form of 16 specimen fish including a 70 pound redtail and a magical 100 pound Siamese being the icing on their wedding cake. Certainly a day to remember for these two and best wishes for your future happiness are extended from all the team here at the Mountain.
Another honeymooner who came here last month was Gustav from Sweden and it didn’t take him long to give the new wife the swerve again to arrive on his own for another session here at the Mountain. Although Gustav caught plenty of fish, the arapaima that he particularly targeted sadly eluded him but look on the bright side Gustav, you’ve got yet another excuse to return here again without the wife or why not bring her along next time, there’s more than enough girlie stuff going on in the resort to keep the most ardent fishing widow happy.
As the sun rose at Jurassic Mountain, along came Sven, a Berlin stockbroker by trade. Stockbrokers ? I’ve never had a lot of luck with stocks and shares or stockbrokers for that matter. In fact it was only when the temperature dropped below freezing did my stockbroker actually put his hands in his own pockets. The last time I got involved was when I invested a nice few bob into a foolproof retirement fund …. which turned out to be his. So as you may have gathered, I’m now pretty clued up on the do’s and dont’s of investing in stocks and shares albeit obtaining this valuable information by getting my own fingers burnt in the process, so readers, if you want my expert advice on how to end up with a million quid playing the markets …. Start with two million.
Sven temporarily left behind the hectic world of the German stock exchange for the somewhat more tranquil atmosphere of Jurassic Mountain and he was subsequently rewarded with a bagful of specimen Siamese carp, a few redtails and a nice tambaqui thrown in for good measure.
Next up at Jurassic came Jean Michel and Toumi from the French cities of Nice and Lyon. I’m rather fond of France myself, especially Paris and I remember the last time that I went into a travel agency and asked them to book me a trip there.
‘Eurostar ?’ enquired the assistant,
‘Well,’ I’ve been on TV once’ I replied …..’ but I’m no Robbie Williams.’
Our friends from France caught numerous fish between them with their best being a Siamese around the 40 pound mark. Au revoir mon ami’s.
Along to Jurassic came Bob from the south of England who moved out and moved up to the Yorkshire riviera namely Scarborough up in the north west. Bob, that’s surely a first moving up to there ? I’ve heard the road outside the place is normally jam packed…… with people trying to move out. Just ask the Yorkshireman who was feeling a little unwell so he went to the doctors who prescribed a visit to Scarborough because it was ‘great for the flu.’ So he went …….. and got it.
Bob enjoyed a nice couple of days here at Jurassic landing a fair few fish including redtail in excess of forty pounds and Siamese carp to fifty.
We welcomed back Steve from Crawley in the UK who went back home and lasted a fortnight before he again succumbed to the lure of the Mountain. Poor old Steve, not only was he hobbling around with his knackered knee, he also had to endure a wicked attack of gout in his foot on his other leg that put paid to a lot of his angling plans. Never mind mate, hopefully your op goes ok and we’ll look forward to seeing you running and skipping around the lake in March, preferably after you’ve landed that one that got away.
We bid Buenos Dias to Spanish guy Sabin from the Basque area of Spain. Sabin had a fabulous visit here at the Mountain by landing almost more fish than he could count including some lovely Siamese carp around forty pounds apiece.
Talking of Spain, reminds me of when I was in a pub in Malaga and I noticed that there were bulls heads trophies all over the walls.
‘Pint of San Miguel please, what’s with all the bulls heads on the wall ?’ I asked,
‘I once a matador,’ he replied, ‘I kill that bull over there when I was 19,
‘Wow,’ I said, ‘And what about those over there ?’
‘I also kill them when I was a young man,’ he replied.
Then I noticed a huge monster of a bulls head in a dark corner of the pub,
‘What about that great big bugger over there then ?’ I said pointing at it,
His face suddenly changed and he said,’ I no like talking about that one, he kill my brother 2 years ago,’
‘Oh I’m sorry,’ was your brother a matador too ?’ I asked,
‘No,’ he replied, ‘ he was sat in the corner playing dominoes and it fell off the wall and smashed his head in.’
A day tripper from Bangkok arrived in the form of Anthony, a plumber and part time personal trainer from west London and what a day trip this guy had. Siamese carp were landed before he finally got the net under a 180 pounder after a three hour battle. Not bad at all for a self confessed novice angler seeing as he didn’t arrive until lunchtime and ended up catching fish that we can only dream about. There’s hope for us all.
I’m not into the personal trainer bit myself as a mate of mine had a real bad experience with his one who was not only ultra fit …. but ultra gay too.
‘Right sugar lips,’ he said to my pal at the start of a session, ‘ Drink this energy boosting drink, you’re gonna need it.’
‘ Why, what have you got in mind ?’ he asked as he downed the drink,
‘ Well,’ said the gay trainer, ‘ I think that chubby bum of yours needs some work on it,’
And that’s all he could remember before passing out as the Rophynil kicked in.
Dave from Middlesex arrived with his friend Mark from Buckinghamshire for an extended visit here at the Mountain. This is supposedly the beginning of the ‘cold’ season where the temperature drops to around 27 degrees (81 fahrenheit) during the day and a mind boggling freezing 22 (71 fahrenheit) during the night but I wish someone had told him upstairs of this fact because for the time these lads were here, the weather was purely and simply bloody HOT which had a knock on effect on the fishing which resulting in that most of the action was centred around the witching hour when the sun was disappearing over the mountains for the day. However, Dave and Mark made full use of the period of time of slightly less activity on the lake due to the temperature hitting 34 degrees in the shade and 40 out of it by immersing themselves in the resort’s pool on an almost daily basis which came as a very welcoming relief indeed. The hot weather and the self imposed reduction in fishing time still didn’t stop these lads from landing numerous fish including redtails, tambaqui to over 25 pounds, Siamese carp up to sixty five pounds and they saved their last day for the best day by landing almost twenty good fish between them.
Two more Scousers turned up this month named Bernie and Darren. No, I’m not going to mention hub caps again as I do have quite a lot of time for the Liverpool folk having lived there myself but I do quite like the story about Ferrari’s formula I team who, having heard about the Scousers renowned prowess in the quick removal of car wheels, decided to employ 4 of them as their pit crew. At the first practice session, not only did they change all 4 wheels in just under 6 seconds, but within 12 seconds they’d re-sprayed, re-badged and sold it to the Mclaren team for 8 cases of Stella, a bag of weed, a cloned copy of Bernie Ecclestones credit card details and some compromising photos of Lewis Hamilton’s bird bent over the bonnet of a Bentley.
‘What part of Liverpool you from lads ?’ I casually asked after detecting that unmistakable accent,
‘ The Wirral actually,’ replied Bernie which is one of the nicer areas up there in the north west but actually they’re nearer to Birkenhead which is very much like us southerners saying that we come from Surrey when we really come from that concrete dump called Croydon.
Anyway, Bernie and Darren were delighted to swap the banks of the Mersey for the slightly more picturesque banks of Jurassic Mountain where they enjoyed some intermittent action due to the excessive heat but were then joined by another Liverpudlian and non angler Nick who showed them just how it’s done by landing a fine tambaqui and a few Siamese up to around the 50 pound mark. This minor irritation prompted Darren to stay for an extra week where, amongst the fish that he eventually landed, pride of place went to a nice lump of a Siamese carp in excess of 60 pounds. Well done the Scousers, hopefully we’ll meet up again someday.
Now here’s an interesting old gentleman named John from Northampton who arrived once again with his wife having walked around here in the early Jurassic years with a vow to return. John is now long retired and used to work in Ford’s building those famous Cosworth engines and for those of you who are into cars, you’ll know that they were a very decent bit of kit indeed.
Now, do you think John and his wife have an affection for Thailand? How about twice a year for a month at a time for the last 10 years. Yep, that’s gotta tell you something. Young John and his lady wife got themselves comfortably set up on peg number two in the brand new recently installed sala and despite the relentless heat managed to land a couple of nice Siamese in the 40 to 50 pound bracket.
Well done John, here’s to the next 10 years.
First time visitors to Jurassic, Guy and Chris from Harrogate in Yorkshire arrived for a two day stint. Guy is a male escort by trade….. er, there’s a slight spelling error there, he’s a mail escort by trade which is just another way of describing what he really does for a living which is actually a postman. Chris ? I didn’t get to find out what this fella does but whatever it is, he must be a nightmare to work with ….. he just don’t stop talking. Let’s describe Chris to you. Chris is a very enthusiastic and excitable lad to say the least and he couldn’t wait to get his lines into the water in an attempt to realise his lifetime’s ambition of hooking and landing an arapaima.
So you can imagine just how he felt when only twenty minutes into his first day’s stint, an arapaima knocking on close to 180 pounds steamed off with Chris’s mackerel offering. Now, I’ve seen more than my fair share of happy anglers during my time here at the Mountain, but this fella topped the lot. To put it bluntly, he was purely and simply just bloody ecstatic. I don’t think he could have been any happier if he’d won the bloody lottery. He got himself so worked up whilst playing the brute that at one point he was almost hyper ventilating and someone even suggested that we might have to put him in a strait jacket. Anyway, we’re pleased to say that after taking adequate deep breaths, he eventually landed his dream catch that he’d tried and failed abysmally to achieve in his previous visits to other Thailand fisheries and he wore a smile that was almost as wide as Jurassic’s lake itself.
Right, now let’s describe Guy. Quite a bit less excitable than Chris but obviously well looking forward to the Jurassic experience especially after having a stint on one of Thailands many ‘shooting fish in a barrel’ venues where in his own words, ‘ you didn’t even have time to light a cigarette before the reel screamed off again.’ Now, I can understand that an hour or two catching fish on almost every cast as your bait hits the water could be quite exhilarating but on the same token could at the end of the day become quite monotonous and it was explained to Guy that Jurassic Mountain is a lot more challenging and that our fish here have no intention of waving the white flag in readiness such as this. So you can imagine how Guy felt when he saw pal Chris not only land that arapaima, but a handful of specimen carp for good measure too whilst Guy only managed one redtail for his days efforts that wouldn’t have looked out of place served with chips and mushy peas down in his local Harrogate chippy. Thank god they’d booked two days because if this had been a one day visit, we’d have had Guy going home with non too complimentary reports about the place because to say he wasn’t amused would be an understatement, try totally p****d off and you still wouldn’t be close. Now, I can understand that Guy came here obviously with great expectations and obviously he had that previous fishing experience under his belt where he struggled to get a cigarette into his mouth before hauling in the next starving unfortunate, but to say, and I quote, ‘ This is the worst day’s fishing of my life’ was surely a massive overreaction and more than likely fueled by the sight of his pal Chris not more than thirty metres away having the ‘The best day’s fishing of his life.’ However, day two came and it saw a massive turnaround in fortunes for Mr angry where, apart from hooking into and losing quite a few, he found the time to smoke as many cigarettes to his hearts content and also managed to find the time to land a redtail at 40 pounds, an Indian carp at 35 and five belting Siamese with the biggest one topping 60 pounds that sent him home with an entirely different perspective of the place and hopefully with an entirely different perspective of fishing itself. The moral in this is of course, don’t judge a fishery on one days fishing, they’re in there to be caught and its purely a matter of when by and by whom ?
Fishing opposite Guy and Chris was Paul, a research chemist from Leeds. This obviously came in very handy for our ‘over the moon’ arapaima angler Chris as Paul no doubt administered the drugs that eventually calmed Chris down after his epic battle.
Paul had a great day’s sport which was topped off with a fabulous Siamese carp of at least 70 pounds which will hopefully act as a drug in itself that will see Paul return here again someday in the future.
Devon farmer David was brought to Jurassic by fishing guide Neil formerly from Manchester. Neil brings many anglers here and none of them go away disappointed. This certainly applied to David because Neil displayed his expertise in guiding David to land numerous Siamese carp up to the fifty pound mark. Well done David and thanks yet again to Neil for adding yet another very satisfied customer to our ever growing list.
David has had a pretty tough time of farming lately due to foot and mouth and one thing or another and so has diversified into dabbling into a bit of landscape gardening. That farming lark sure isn’t what it’s cracked up to be which brings to mind the story of the two farmers sons, Matthew and Luke who were at the solicitors during the reading of their fathers will.
They were in the process of arguing with each other as to who was the favourite son and who was going to inherit the farm when the solicitor interrupted them,
‘Ahem,’ said the solicitor, ‘ I am instructed to inform you that the farm in it’s entirety is left to ……. Matthew.’
‘See,’ said Matthew to Luke ‘ told ya you was the favourite son.’
Sean and Daniel rolled up from Western Australia and they were here for about a week. They’re results were pretty average really although they did manage to get enough sport to keep them occupied. But Daniel’s aim was to hook into one of Jurassic’s monster carp and after 5 days of trying it became apparent that it wasn’t going to be. Then Daniel had the bright idea of trying a night fishing stint and….. bingo. A Siamese carp knocking on the 200 pound mark thought it was safe enough to grab that double pellet in the dark and Daniel’s dream of getting his hands on a three figure carp were at last realised, with moonbeams thrown in for good measure.
Yet another Scouse accent was heard around the lake when Dave Nicholas from the Wirral arrived for his return visit to the Mountain. Dave is yet another of Jurassic’s many returnees and whilst on this subject, I’d like it to be known that our return rate here at the Mountain stands presently at almost 90%. Yes, ninety percent! Now that alone sounds like a complete success story in itself. Call it the gravitational pull, the hypnotic lure or quite simply the mind blowing angling experience that is provided here at Jurassic Mountain, all we know is that people are coming back in their droves for seconds and thirds …… and we’re only too pleased to accommodate them.
So a big welcome back was extended to Dave and we’re obviously pleased and proud to say that Dave’s return visit not only provided him with nostalgic memories of his previous visit here but also with additional memories of the fabulous sport that he enjoyed when landing 4 redtails to 30 pounds, 2 Indian carp to 35 and 3 cracking Siamese to 50. Does Dave harbour any intentions of yet another mission to the Mountain ? I’ll let you be the judge of that one.
Nick from Redhill arrived with girlfriend Jo for their angling experience and after viewing their accommodation and getting to grips with the resorts cuisine, they promptly extended their stay for an extra couple of days. Nicks first day’s session provided great sport which was topped off with a beauty of a Siamese well in excess of 50 pounds.
Nicks occupation in the UK is working for a company that prints the betting slips for various independent bookmakers and on this subject, it brings to mind the story of a guy who’d never placed a bet in his life and who went to the races for the very first time. Not having the slightest clue where to begin, he walked up to the counter and asked,
‘ Excuse me, could you tell me what an each way bet is please ?’
‘Certainly Sir,’ replied the man behind the counter, ‘ An each way bet is divided into two stakes. The first bet is on the horse to win and then the proportional stake is placed on the horse to finish in a place which can be 1st, 2nd and 3rd or even 4th depending on the amount of runners.’
‘Thank you,’ said the man ‘That sounds perfect for me, can I have five pounds each way on number nine please ?’
‘No you can’t,’ came the reply,
‘Oh,’ said the rather surprised man, ‘and why’s that then ?’
‘Cos this is a hot dog stall sir.’
Another angler who made the correct decision in booking for 3 days was Stefan from Munich because on the first day he didn’t get a sniff. I was quite expecting a wee German sulk when I eventually caught up with him in the ‘Anglers Rest’ that evening but he seemed to be so content amongst Jurassic Mountain’s surroundings that the ‘blank ‘had become nothing more than a mere insignificance within his 3 day plan. This ‘laid back’ and ‘whatever will be will be’ attitude that Stefan adopted certainly paid dividends because his next 2 days reaped the rewards of 13 and 11 specimen fish respectively and once again this proves that you cannot judge a fishery on one day’s results alone ….. because tomorrow can bring a completely different kettle of fish, just as it did for Stefan.
Just before we get to our final anglers report, I’d like to tell you a short story about the married woman in the UK who had a lover who just happened to be her husbands best mate…. would you believe ?
One afternoon, they were both lying in bed after finishing making love for the umpteenth time and her phone rang. She answered it and her lover could only hear her side of the conversation.
‘Hello ? Er, oh hi, so glad you called….. Really …. That’s great…….., Jurassic Mountain ? ….wonderful, sounds idylic….. Massive carp ?….. Wow…. an arapaima…..how big ? … my god….., Well, I’m so glad you’re having a great time……, love you too, bye.’
Her lover leaned across and asked ‘ Who was that ?’
‘Oh’ she replied, ‘Only my husband, telling me about the fantastic time he’s having on his fishing trip ….. with you.’
Now as I have limited space available it’s impossible to write a report or include a photograph of everybody who has fished at Jurassic this month so therefore this final report is dedicated to a random selection of anglers and the pick of their catches who have unfortunately missed out on the mugshots but who deserve a mention nonetheless. Congratulations on their captures are therefore extended to the following …..
Vince from Sydney who was thrilled to catch a Siamese carp albeit only around 40 pounds,
Munich based UK expat Iain and German girlfriend Brynja caught every species…. apart from the arapaima that he really wanted,
Dave from Leicester who had a double hook up with a Siamese on one rod and a redtail on the other ……and managed to land them both.
German expat Peter, a fishing tour guide residing in Pattaya who landed numerous redtails and who hooked but sadly lost two massive arapaima.
Essex boy Steve Driver who steered a nice 60 pound Siamese to the net.
Phil, a french polisher from Leeds had a shine put on his day when landing a Siamese carp at 68 pounds.
Andy from my old stomping ground in the UK, Clapham in South London caught a brace of Siamese to 35.
Iain and son Keiran from Australia’s Gold coast enjoyed an 18 carat visit when landing a 35 pound redtail followed by a couple of Siamese carp around the 40 mark.
Three more Aussies, Mick,, Malcolm and Sean from Melbourne caught bagfuls of fish between them including a nice Chao Phraya for Mick on a night fishing session.
Tom from the Potteries said ‘hello me ol’ China’ to three Siamese carp up to 45 pounds a piece.
Del and Sylvia from Devon had around 15 fish on the bank with the clotted cream on their cake being a splendid Siamese tipping the scales at just over a 100 pounds.
And last but not least, a very special mention to Juan from Spain……who caught absolutely ……sod all.
Well, that’s almost it for yet another month, I hope that my tongue in cheek comments were taken in the light hearted manner in which they were intended and as normal, any complaints from those devoid of a semblance of a sense of humour will be dealt with forthwith on www. it’s about time you lightened up . com.
Seriously though, any feedback regarding this newsletter will be most welcome whether complimentary or otherwise so please feel free to post any comments on the newsletter post on Jurassic Mountain Facebook page accordingly.
I’D ALSO LIKE TO TAKE THIS OPPORTUNITY ON BEHALF OF ALL THE TEAM HERE IN WISHING ALL PAST, PRESENT AND FUTURE VISITORS TO JURASSIC MOUNTAIN A VERY MERRY CHRISTMAS AND A HAPPY AND PROSPEROUS NEW YEAR WITH A PERSONAL THANKS TO YOU ALL BECAUSE WITHOUT YOU, THE WRITING OF THIS NEWSLETTER WOULD NOT BE POSSIBLE.
Very finally I’d like to end with a short story that I’ve previously posted on my blog which I titled ‘The Serial Moaner’. To those of you who’ve had the undoubted pleasure of reading it already, I’ll say cheerio for yet another month and I’ll look forward to writing the next edition of the Jurassic Newsletter for you in December.
If this newsletter tempts you to sample the Jurassic Mountain experience for yourselves, please mention ‘Newsletter” in your enquiry and you’ll receive the chance of an automatic upgrade into a de-luxe poolside suite subject to availability.
so…….enjoy …To those of you who haven’t read the story, here it is.
THE SERIAL MOANER
I’d like to tell you this story about a very good mate of mine, a certain Alan Crook from Warlingham, Surrey in the UK. He’s a great guy is Alan, always a good laugh, is generous to a fault and apart from being the world most self opinionated git and the worst serial moaner that I’ve ever come across in my life, the ‘ Warlingham Whinger ‘ has been a very good friend of mine for almost forty five years albeit including a few year break where we put our friendship on hold due to him expressing his opinion once too bloody often but apart from that, we’re still great mates. You’ll most probably wonder why we are still buddies after you’ve read this and my answer to that is that I ain’t got a bloody clue but there’s something about this fella that enables me to be able to accept his moaning as part and parcel of our friendship.
So Alan decided that he quite fancied bringing his gorgeous wife Shirley and their equally gorgeous daughter Leanne with her boyfriend Jake over to Thailand for a couple of weeks holiday and he asked me to book him an apartment in Hua hin for a week and he would then spend the second week in one of my villas at Jurassic Mountain. I think at this stage I should tell you a little about Alan so that you’ll get the picture. This guy moans about everything and anything with his speciality being of moaning excessively in almost every restaurant he goes to. I’ve lost count of how many times he’s sent a bottle of wine back because it’s ‘corked’ and the amount of steaks that he’s returned via the waiter because it’s undercooked, overcooked or basically because he simply just didn’t like the look of it. He even once demanded that the chef come out of the kitchen and dared the poor sod to eat the steak that he’d just lovingly prepared for him that Alan deemed was not fit for a bloody dog. One other small thing that you know about Alan is that he gets off on a boiled egg. Yeah that’s right, a bloody boiled egg ! Give him an eggcup with his little bread soldiers and he’s in his element. What he lacks in cracking jokes he more than makes up for by cracking eggs. Now I know what your thinking, but we’re all different and we’ve all got our little ‘quirks’ and if Alan’s turn on is a quick three minutes with a nice attractive free range, who am I to judge ? So anyway, I decide to book him an apartment in my condominium in Hua Hin and I viewed one which I actually thought was really nice and I paid the deposit to hold it for him and his family. I then had the not so bright idea of emailing him a letter regarding the apartment and jokingly put in a few ‘extras’ cos that’s the kind of guy I am. Here’s the email….
Hi Alan and Shirley
The money was paid in full to the resort and your apartment awaits you.
I’ve asked them if they can eradicate the cockroach infestation by the time that you arrive and they have assured me that they will do their best. However, a bigger problem might be getting rid of the rats ( well there’s definitely at least one ). I’ve not actually seen it but judging by the size of the droppings, he must be so big he’d make any cat do a runner. The black and white TV isn’t up to much but the Betamax video is in good working order. Unfortunately the last tenant nicked all the videos so you’d better bring some over. Also, the last tenant seemed to enjoy smoking cigars (In bed ) but I’ve arranged some air fresheners for the bedroom because it smells like an old ashtray. Hopefully the Indian family of ten that are next door decide to eat out while you’re there because the constant smell of curry does seem to be a bit overpowering. However, the Indian music that they enjoy at full blast is a bonus really because it drowns out the noise of the juggernaughts that are constantly going by. Just a word of caution, the bedroom walls are so thin that you can hear a pin drop next door so I’d try to keep the farting and orgasmic groans to a minimum. The view over the Amari swimming pool was really nice but since the pool has been under maintainance, it’s turned into a green slime pit and I’m afraid the mozzies are in abundance so best you keep all the doors and windows firmly shut. The resort has also promised that a kitchen man will arrive soon to solve the fridge problem. It isn’t so much that this ones broke, it’s because there ain’t one ! The good news is that the air conditioning works a treat ( in the lounge only ) but the bedrooms do have fans. Trouble is they are slightly noisy, so noisy in fact that they sound like a Lynx helicopter with a big end gone. You’ll be pleased to know that the weather is extremely hot and therefore the fact that hot water in the bathroom is never hot is actually a bonus.
Anyway, I hope your looking forward to your trip and I can’t wait to see you both,
PS. Can you bring a kettle with you … This ones knackered !
After a frantic phone call from the UK to confirm that I was indeed joking, they arrived in Hua Hin. Having shown them to their apartment I returned back to mine so as to give them adequate time to settle in and chill out after their long journey from the UK. Then the phone rang….
‘Hello Steve it’s me’
‘It’s me, Alan’
I thought to myself, here we go, let’s hear it, ‘ What’s up mate ?’
‘What’s up?’ he said ‘I’ll tell you what’s up, there’s nothing here.’
‘What d’you mean there’s nothing here ?’
That question was Alan’s cue to go into overdrive moan mode which he’s got A levels in and he peeled off a list that included …. No knives and forks, no mugs, no plates, no corkscrew, no wine glasses, no toaster, no kettle cos this ones knackered, no tea cups and it went on and on including towels so thin that you could see through ’em, no bedside table, no table and chairs on the balcony and, the worst thing of all, you’ve guessed it, no bloody egg cups until finally I thought Nah, he’s definitely joking and he’s just getting his own back on me for that email I sent him but he just kept on moaning and I knew from past experiences that he wasn’t joking at all. So I quickly knocked back the beer that I was enjoying and went along to see for myself. The apartment was nice enough alright but I’d neglected to check inside the cupboards which were basically fitted out for Thai’s who had no need for a toaster or bloody egg cups. Give ’em a bowl and a spoon and as far as their concerned, it’s fully equipped.
So down I go to the reception to moan on Alan’s behalf about the lack of utensils and after a lot of screaming and shouting at the resort management who kindly explained that it was only fitted out by the Thai owner for Thai people which definitely sounded racist to me and even if it wasn’t deemed racist by the management, it wasn’t explained to me when they took my money knowing that the Brits were coming which only made me more angry because apart from feeling like a complete idiot for booking this apartment that was basically only fit to get your head down in and also being informed that the rent was non refundable after I’d I threatened to move him elsewhere … I hit the roof. Well whatever I said in my politest but extremely firm manner which evidently had steam coming out of my ears, it must have struck a nerve because they relented and within an hour or so reinforcements duly arrived with a complete European ‘kit out’ of the apartment so Alan was finally appeased and he thoroughly enjoyed the remainder of his week in Hua hin apart from the odd trivial moan here and there which were far too insignificant to go into and I looked forward to him arriving at Jurassic Mountain to see the place that I’d told him so much about.
They duly arrived with the fourteen or so suitcases that they always take on holiday with them so that Alan can enjoy moaning about the excess baggage charges and once he was shown to his villa, I was well pleased to receive the compliments that he was throwing around like confetti and I assumed that I was going to get a moan free period for once .I should be so bloody lucky.
Then it started.
‘Steve, there’s no egg cups in the villa.’
‘Piss off Al’ I said, ‘if you’re that intent on cooking your own breakfast, have bloody corn flakes or if you really can’t live without an egg, bloody poach one !’
Alan’s rather long nose seemed to be slightly put out of joint by my flippant remark and all it seemed to do was antagonise him to the extent that it now put him into his ‘if you want my opinion mode’ and the subsequent moaning that automatically comes with it. ‘Well let me tell you’ is Alan’s favourite opening line which precedes his opinion that he’s going to give to you whether you like it or not and it was followed by ‘I can’t fault this place but ….. ‘ and he started to rattle off a list of things that needed rectifying and yours truly sat there like a bloody schoolboy who was being admonished for producing some excellent work but ‘could do better !’
Apart from the criminal omission of egg cups in his villa, he moaned that his A/C weren’t cold enough although the fifty or so previous occupants never seemed to have a problem. This then progressed to ‘There’s no cushions on the sun beds’ although the resort does supply large beach towels for them which Alan obviously found unsuitable for his taste but again, this has never been a bone of contention with any previous occupants including dozens of Germans who make it their priority to inspect the sun beds before whacking their towels on ’em eight hours before they use ’em. Then came ‘There’s no parasol’ and although there’s a great parasol covered marble table and chairs immersed within the pool itself, Alan was referring to the one that was needed over the sun beds that he hated the bloody sight of. Now,I have to give in to Alan on this one but Jules the co-owner of the place will not purchase anything that’s gonna last five minutes and he researches everything right down to the last minor detail before he commits to buy which obviously is time consuming and invariably results in the odd object still being required but the upside to this is that once it’s been researched and purchased, you know you’ve got the very best in quality. So the parasol, which by the way is now firmly in place was a major gripe because Alan moaned that the sun was too hot to lay in. You’re talking about an area which is five metres away from his canopy covered verandah and another small point to take into consideration is that there’s also a hundred bloody Palm trees here and he could have laid under any one of ’em. This was quickly followed by ‘I don’t like the colour of the swimming pool tiles’ and I was rapidly losing the will to live.
Then, when sat at his swim on the lake came the moment that, with rod in his hand and a 200 pound angry arapaima on the end of it, he started moaning that it was too powerful, that it nearly pulled him in and finally ‘my back hurts’ which I knew then that there was no hope for this bloke and that he’d be better off in the ‘Dunliving’ rest home eating boiled eggs to his hearts content.
So one morning having not got over the fact that the egg cups still hadn’t appeared on his doorstep, he decided to take breakfast in the clubhouse. He picked up the menu and his face broke into a broad grin as he noticed that the eggs came fried, scrambled, poached and, Halleluyah and lo and behold, BOILED !
‘Two boiled eggs please’ ordered an ecstatic Alan which was met by a blank stare from the waitress.
‘Sorry, don’t understand’ said our waitress who’d never been asked for this particular choice of meal before and evidently Alan was the first person on the resort to EVER order them.
‘Two boiled eggs’ repeated Alan pointing to them on the menu.
The waitress walked off with an expression similar to that of being asked a question on Mastermind and I sat there with Alan praying that he would receive his chosen dish and more importantly, just the way that his Mum used to do them for him.
Then it arrived and I couldn’t believe what I was seeing.
Two very hard boiled eggs cut in slices with not an egg cup in sight !
‘Jesus Christ ‘ I said putting my head in my hands as I looked at Alan’s face that resembled a Bulldog sucking piss off a thistle. I called over co-owner Eddy who was the appointed customer relations manager that morning and basically said ‘ Sort this out for me mate, I know it’s only an egg but it means the world to this bloke.
Eddy’s answer of ‘ Sorry about that, I’ll sort the eggs out for you straight away’ was fair enough but was then followed by his best Basil Fawlty impersonation of ‘Not quite sure about the egg cup front though, haven’t seen any of them around lately, would you like scrambled instead?’ which almost drove Alan over the edge. However, within a minute Eddy came running excitedly back proudly holding two egg cups aloft cheerily proclaiming ‘Found ’em’ and I’m pleased to announce that Alan’s pride and joy duly arrived and by all accounts weren’t the best boiled eggs in the world as he’d ‘Had better’ but which was quickly followed by a very reassuring ‘ But I’ve had a lot worse,’ which was, I presume to be a compliment and i breathed a huge sigh of relief.
So that was it, there was no more moaning apart from the fact that he moaned about having to get up early to get his taxi to take him back to the airport and the moral of this little story ? Best not to make a joke about something that can come back and bite you big time on the arse as this one certainly did and in future I’ll leave the booking of apartments up to others and scrub around the jokey emails. Mind you Alan, apart from the moaning and as you thoroughly enjoyed your stay in Thailand you’re always more than welcome to stay here again at fully equipped Jurassic Mountain, which reminds me …. I’d better go and sort out those bloody egg cups.